


Double Date

by snowspriestess



Series: One Shots [16]
Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M, this is just a very awkward dinner LOL
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-15 21:59:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18507910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowspriestess/pseuds/snowspriestess
Summary: This was a terrible idea. Hilda realized that the moment they had sat down around the dinner table, realized that this evening would most likely end in a catastrophe.





	Double Date

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr Prompt: I would love to read something hilarious about Zelda/Faustus & Hilda/Cerberus supper.

This was a terrible idea. Hilda realized that the moment they had sat down around the dinner table, realized that this evening would most likely end in a catastrophe.

Frankly, she had only wanted to be nice. It had been her suggestion that Zelda should get to know Cerberus better, so she could finally stop calling him _Dr Dracula_ at every occasion she got and maybe notice that he had a good heart. However, when she had asked Cerberus, she had not been prepared for his idea that they might also want to invite her sister’s fiancé. Faustus Blackwood. Who was everything but a normal fiancé. But how could she explain that to her boyfriend, who had never met the man?

And so here they were, her and Cerberus at the one end of the table and Zelda and Father Blackwood at the other. Her sister was looking rather tense, sipping on her red wine like her life depended on it, and the High Priest was eyeing Cerberus like he was expecting him to change into a demon every moment. _Damn Zelda, why had she told Blackwood about the Incubus?_

“So”, Cerberus began, smiling a polite smile. “You’re leading a Church?” he started an attempt at small talk, picking probably the worst topic of all.

Hilda closed her eyes for a moment, trying to stay calm. In the Dark Lord’s name, why had she agreed to this?

Father Blackwood cleared his throat. “Yes, a Church which actively _forbids_ witches from mingling with mortals”, he replied, eyes pinning Hilda in place. “Right, sister Hilda?”

Zelda glared over to him, expression tense. “Perhaps we don’t have to discuss such matters at the dinner table”, she made an attempt, setting down the empty wine glass. Her cheeks were already flushing. “How are things going with the Incubus?”

Hilda shot her sister an angry look, wondering how in hell she could think _that_ was a better matter to discuss right now. Probably she was already drunk.

Blackwood was faintly smirking, exchanging a quick look with Zelda.

“Oh, we’re… I’m good”, Cerberus replied, slightly puzzled. He was quick to fill up everyone’s wine glasses, careful not to meet Zelda’s knowing eyes.

Hilda was praying to Satan her sister would let the topic go, but of course – Zelda being Zelda – she did not.

Instead she raised an eyebrow, taking another sip of wine. “Are the chains working?” she wanted to know, causing Hilda’s cheeks to turn pink. That was not something she cared to elaborate on ever, and especially not in front of Father Blackwood.

Cerberus managed a tense smile, acting like he was very busy cutting his chicken in half. “Yes, yes”, he replied vaguely. “Very good.”

Hilda cleared her throat, shooting an angry glance over to Zelda. “How’s the wedding planning going?” she asked, trying to steer towards a less explosive topic.

Her boyfriend jumped on the wagon, obviously glad that they were no longer talking about the demon which possessed him. “Yes, you must be excited”, he contributed, looking in between Zelda and Blackwood.

Father Blackwood responded with something which sounded like a muffled _wonderful,_ earning a displeased look from Zelda. She smiled tensed, wine glass still in hand. “We’re very happy, yes”, she answered, sounding like the only person she still needed to convince were herself and her fiancé. Another sip of wine followed. “We have our hands full with the planning. And the Anti-Pope will be leading the ceremony.” She was eyeing Father Blackwood, like she was waiting for an appropriate reaction to the news.

He nodded hastily. “Yes, yes.” That was all the enthusiasm Zelda got.

Cerberus looked properly confused now. “The _Anti-Pope?”_ he echoed, looking to Hilda for help to clear things up.

Unfortunately, her sister was faster. “He’s the head of all covens”, she replied, matter of factly, like this was the only thing which made perfect sense. “The pedant to the false god’s representative on earth.”

Hilda was eyeing her boyfriend, who looked like he needed to flee the table any minute. Perhaps telling him about herself being a witch had been a little much for starter’s, but _this_ was definitely crossing every possible boundary.

“He lives in the Vatican”, Zelda added.

Father Blackwood was nodding in agreement. “He only honours the most special of black weddings with his presence.”

Now they had definitely lost Cerberus. Hilda was smiling, desperately trying to come up with anything not concerning witches, sex, or demons. But her mind was blank.

To her despair, her boyfriend was making another attempt of conversation. “How have you two met?” he had decided to ask, a question which made Hilda nearly choke on her wine.

Zelda gave her an odd look, frowning ever so slightly, before returning her eyes to Father Blackwood, obviously waiting for him to give a response.

“We met at the Academy”, Blackwood replied, ever so vaguely, sipping his wine.

Zelda was smiling, expression never wavering. “Although that was centuries ago, really”, she replied, still like that was the most normal thing in the world.

Cerberus’ eyebrow arched up, as he was glaring at Hilda. Perhaps she had forgotten to mention the _witches don’t age like humans_ part of it all. He cleared his throat, acting like that information that been utterly normal. “So, you’ve been together since then?”

Father Blackwood looked rather irritated now, whereas Zelda was frowning. “No”, she replied, and Hilda was – again – asking the Dark Lord for help but was not heard. “It was more of a physical relationship, really.”

Again, Hilda was blushing. Her boyfriend was wearing an expression which was a mixture between confusion and surprise, now also reaching for the wine. They would all need alcohol to survive this night.

“Should we get the dessert?” Zelda was now asking, eyebrow raised, and glaring at her sister.

Hilda was internally sighing, nodding and getting up from her chair. At least dessert meant that dinner was almost over.


End file.
